Be My Guest ~ A post by the esteemed Michael Cade

Per pal Ruth's request/order, I'm tackling the subject of:

What's the Point of Blogging?

My testimony is provided in several short chapters below.

INTRODUCTION

Honestly, I think the main function blogging (or micro-blogging, in the case of Twitter) serves is to satisfy my somewhat pronounced obsessive-compulsive urges. The Internet is a wonderful (and horrible) drug for those of us with impulse-control issues. [caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="189"] Micro-blogging![/caption]

BEING GOD

I do like the idea of being in complete control. On my blog, no meddling editors can bend my prose or change the meaning of something I wrote. Everything that's good (or bad!) -- is solely attributable to me. That's accountability!

TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLES

I sometimes use blogs to direct my raw hatred at various nemeses and fools. I've earned the right to do so because pop culture has rammed the dumb ideas of these dicks down my throat for years.

NARCISSISM

There's a narcissistic quality to the medium of blogging, of course. Although, in recent years, I've felt less desire to satisfy this portion of my brain. Fame -- even on a micro-level -- doesn't hold much appeal for me. (Money, yes. Fame, no.)

VISUALLY ARRESTING IMAGES

Blogging can produce a number of aesthetically pleasing images. (See below.)

OPINION-SHAPING

I've delved less and less into attempts at opinion-shaping with blogs. Generally, most people will believe what they want to believe, regardless of how convincing an argument you construct to the contrary. And people will often view you (or the idea you're presenting) through a preconceived lens, which means they're either amenable to your ideas or they aren't. Most aren't. Jerks.

AN APPROPRIATE USE OF TIME

The business of day-to-day life makes longform blogging nearly impossible. In many respects, that's a good thing. If I'm too busy to write a 2,000 word blog post about the minutia of Fill-in-the-Blank, that probably means I'm actively engaged in more worthwhile pursuits e.g., contemplating how taut my balls are.

STORIES ABOUT HOW TAUT MY BALLS ARE

With regard to personal stuff, I don't like blogging about these things. It's Too Much Information. No one wants to hear about my hygiene. Or my Type II Diabetes. Or the women I date. Or my attempts at DIY dermatological surgery.

FORCE YOUR DESIRED OUTCOMES ON THE WORLD

I think writing is a really worthwhile endeavor but I have no idea where it sits on my own personal Priority Tree. Lately, it's way down on the lower branches. To me, the most compelling thing about writing is the idea of memorializing and capturing your ideas with the printed word, as doing so may create a pathway to those ideas actually happening (should you want them to happen). Similarly, I think that acknowledging your failures and shortcomings via the printed word may lead to the subconscious correcting of such missteps in the future. What's also cool about blogging is that you can finish a post without resorting to the hokey tricks of newspaper columnists, e.g., making your story come full circle with a trite and contrived end-phrase, e.g,

"Folks, that's something we can all stop and think about, regardless of political affiliation."

Rather, you can end the post in a more productive way, maybe by (i) wishing that your enemies boil in white-hot excrement for eternity or (ii) wishing good tidings and massive success to all the people you love. (I choose the latter, though the former is tempting.)