So I'm home now from helping celebrate the Dalai Lama's 80th birthday. Want to know how it went?
Onstage guests included Josh Radnor ("How I Met Your Mother,") Julia Ormond, Desmond Tutu's grandson, Wilmer Valderrama ("That 70s Show,") some 20-something Aussie musician (Cody Simpson), George Lopez (doing his usual schtick, bashing on Donald trump) Randy Jackson, and MC HAMMER (yes you read that right), who wore Stevie Wonder-grade sunglasses the whole time, and more. Two and a half hours of this michegoss before His Holiness said a single word.
And when he did speak, it was for 20 minutes.
After that, there was not a Q&A, but "a dialogue," in which these nitwits all spouted their opinions and were quick to point out what everyone else should be doing to save the world. I couldn't give two shits about their opinions; I was there to hear the Dalai Lama.
I did have to laugh, though, when George Lopez was complaining about all the criticism people were posting about him on the Internet, and asked the Dalai Lama (basically) what could be done to stop that. I wish with all my heart his Holiness had answered, "Well, maybe you should stop being a dick."
All in all, it was a bizarre and surreal experience. As each Z list non-celebrity took to the podium, I got more and more tempted to leave my seat and go up there myself. I'm sure I could have done a better job - and I'm more famous than at least half of them.
The whole wretched mess was emceed by Ann Curry, who kept saying stuff like, "of course you've seen the television show, 'How I Met Your Mother' or 'That 70s Show.'" Jesus GOD, I told myself, I certainly hope not!
The very last bit (it just wouldn't end) was basically a pole dance by the Lucent Dossier folk. An aerialist performed full-on stripper moves inside a giant lotus flower that hung 20 feet above the stage (and completely out of the Dalai Lama's sight line).
Hey, I guess after all is said and done, the man is still a man. And anybody who makes it to 80 deserves a little pole dance action if he wants it.