I JUST DO EYES!

I’m not sure if I saw “Blade Runner” first or went to LA Eyeworks first, but both left a profound impression on me.

My flesh crawling crowd loathing keeps me from witnessing what I’m certain can only be a Lucy-Show-esque spectacle (OUCH!) once or twice a year when they put Last Year’s Models on sale and let their mailing list have at them like a pack of ravenous wolves. Me, I prefer to shop in a much more civilized manner.

The price of such civilization? About $600 a pair, out the door with a progressive prescription installed and some ridiculous glasses case (one had a merkin, and another I continue to call “Elton John’s Coffin”).

Maybe you’re lucky and don’t need a prescription, so you get pretend glasses or sunglasses for just a few bucks over the frame price (which is still well over $300 most of the time). Worth every penny, says I, since I’m not the kind of person who loses or sits on glasses.

(Well there was that one time, and the LAE gods were smiling that day, because two years later They Had One Last Pair of the ones I lost – the red and pink sunglasses here.)

And although Mark Twain never shopped there, I’m sure he’d agree that any other optician vs. LAE might also be the difference between lightning and lightning bugs.

I’m a huge fan of their whole zipper tooth theme, and love the black sunglasses because they remind me of the top of Nancy’s head – not that anyone remembers Nancy any more, but still. And I do, dammit.

Will the stores still be standing when replicants come for their parents? Not sure. I’m loyal to the Beverly store, and I think Roy Batty shops on Melrose anyway.

All I know is I’m glad they’re here now.